You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
