i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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