My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
