Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
