the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
