Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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