Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
