Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
