I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
