There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
