3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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