Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
