I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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