I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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