He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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