found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
