Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
