shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
