Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
