I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
