i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
