It's Friday. Sex?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
