I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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