Where did you get a picture of my penis
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
