Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize