A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My ATM looks so different sober.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
