im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
