when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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