he was CRYING into my vagina
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
