I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize