I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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