The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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