i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you made out with another girl for some wings
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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