You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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