I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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