I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
