i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want to walk on stilts...naked
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize