if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
