I can tuck mytits in my pants
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
