My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Vodka?
Forever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
