i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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