I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
