apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
