i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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