make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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