I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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