Soap is not a condiment
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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