if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
