so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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