i wish there were pregnant emoticons
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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