he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Boobs are out for the taking
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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