Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
