wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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