your thong is hanging out like whoa
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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