She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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