I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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