His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
