I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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