I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
